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Got a Groupon.com offer which I reflexively deleted, but I caught the subject line right before it disappeared from my inbox view. I went digging in the trash:

Sooper Speshuhl Toofbrush

Image hot-linked from Groupon.com.
Items are larger than they appear.

The Subject Line: 70% Off Diamond Elite Ultrasonic Toothbrush*

The word “diamond” attached to the word “toothbrush” made me cringe.

Maybe it’s for those who think they need something battery operated to get their teeth really clean. Maybe it’s for the germophobes (has UV light sanitizer built in). Maybe it’s especially made for those who have a “platinum” “grill(e)” paid for with the “benjamins” their “dope” “rhymes” rake in, ‘cuz their “flash” can take being brushed with a “diamond” toothbrush.

Well, then… Why would they need to buy it at 70% off through Groupon?

OH… I forgot. It’s also an “elite” toothbrush.
Quite the status symbol. My bad.


p.s., Are you feelin’ the snark? ‘Cuz I am today.
p.p.s., Someone gets PAID to think of these kind of names for toothbrushes? Can I sign up for that? Sooper-Smooshy Wimp Toothbrush. Sooper-Shiny I-gots-da-kash-munny LED-lite-flasheriffic Toofbrush. Plays-stupid-music-for-two-minutes-to-let-you-know-you’re-done-brushing-even-though-you-missed-a-bunch-of-spots Kiddie Toothbrush. WiFi-enabled I’ll-auto-tweet-when-you-use-me Toothbrush.
p.p.p.s., According to this post, they’ve sold over five thousand of these suckers through Groupon. Wow.
p.p.p.p.s., At 70% off it’s still $69 (free shipping). For a toothbrush. That requires a power source other than your hand. And doesn’t come with a cracker-jack prize inside.
p.p.p.p.p.s. (i swear, last one!), Browsing Groupon found this gem: Did you know you can buy fake eyelashes for your car? OMG. They even come in Chrome and you can buy blinged-out eyeliner, too. Go.

*I put in the link for the offer redemption place. I guess Groupon only offers it to certain markets for short time periods and I couldn’t find one that was active. I did notice that the offer in Groupon might be ‘expired’, but the fine print says the offer is good until June 2012. Hmm…