Reading Into It
I blocked you ‘cuz you have nothing I want to read.
I blocked you ‘cuz you’re an ass.
I blocked you ‘cuz you contribute nothing of worth.
I blocked you ‘cuz I have no time for liars.
I blocked you ‘cuz I have no time for bullshit.
I blocked you ‘cuz… well… just ‘cuz.
I don’t want to waste any
time in the future
(read as “trying to perceptually ignore”)
anything a mutual friend might
to my feed.
I don’t answer you ‘cuz I don’t feed trolls.
I don’t answer you ‘cuz there is no point.
I don’t answer you ‘cuz it’s a waste of my time.
Here I am writing this.
I am aware of the contradiction.
Some things need to be said.
This is for those that might actually believe your lies, not you.
This is for posterity, not you.
This is for truth, not you.
This is for honesty, not you.
This is for me, not you.
I’d appreciate it
if you stopped
telling people what you think I’m
(‘cuz god knows you have no idea).
Obviously I mean much more to you than you do to me.
Just stop, please.
Go off to your own little world and
try to convince everyone of what a
Make everyone love you.
Make everyone believe you.
Fool everyone into believing your mask.
Just stop trying to use me to do it, okay?
You just don’t understand, do you?
I don’t need the validation you do.
You spend all this time trying to make people hate me.
If people think I suck, I’m fine with it.
Stop lying about me to try to make that happen.
Stop making up stuff.
Stop feeding people your delusion to get them “on your side.”
Stop the lies.
Look in the mirror.
Deal with that.
And leave me alone.
Strange. I write this.
Originally it was a 1-line stfu to one person in particular. It expanded. It grew. And with the analysis of motivation that comes, I realize how much this applies to pretty much every person whose behavior has made me (attempt to) remove them from my life.
I hold on to the truth so much that lies hurt that much more.
What makes it worse is that they are delusional enough to think they are not lying. People that are not honest with themselves or others and constantly have subtext cannot take anything from others at face value, even if it is given that way. I hate disclaimers, but it seems that I must add them to everything I say/write so that no one “reads into” it or “misinterprets” it or “rewires” it to fit their own screwed up view of the world.
Possibly time for me to rethink.
Probably won’t change much, though.
I suppose it’s good that I am aware.
Frustrated, but aware.
Tossing things out into the internetz… vaguely anonymously… I’m not sure quite yet if this is therapy or just an unseen thumbed nose that allows me to put a final “virtual” stamp on the situation and walk away. Either way, I don’t think it’s necessarily bad. Though… quite revealing in this public forum. (Yet again!)
Does anyone ever take you at face value any more?
Why so much shade?
Perhaps I’m the one with the delusion.
Perhaps my honesty is the abnormal.
Is that really how it is?
p.s., I wrote this a while ago. Posting it to let it go.