Note: this was written probably about 6-8 months ago and was left unpublished. I read it over and decided I still felt exactly the same way, so here it is.
Somehow I have people thinking that when I ask a question, that means that I am TELLING someone what they can and can’t say.
Ultimately, it’s a situation that I don’t really give a shit about. Yes, it’s at a community that I frequent and that I love (most of) the people at. But, honestly? I can walk away. No regrets. Maybe that’s somewhat sociopathic? Nah. Just realistic.
Two people specifically involved?
Person #1: Someone who is not only an awful online-groomed bingo poker player, but is also going through chemotherapy, (I believe) for recurring cancer.
Person #2: Someone whose opinion I respect who has now turned into whiny, pompous, judgmental ASSHOLE toward me. And they can’t have a rational conversation because they are STILL suspicious of me, due to my semi-private online presence.
(Also, there was Subject: No one significant to the story except they were the subject of Person #1‘s asshole behavior that started this whole thing.)
The other day, I just couldn’t take it any more. I was DONE reading the whiny-ass bullshit chat from Person #1. No specifics or anything ‘cuz it’s kind of hard to explain…. but basically, they were grumpy, misread a few things that were put in chat, got totally snarky and bitchy whiny, and then just kept going and going and going at someone (Subject).
[Aside: This Person #1 has annoyed me from the first day I had seen their poker play. Whatever “success” they say that they have had does not match what I have seen of their ability. In any case, I don’t equate poker ability with personal interaction. However, with observation over time of what one says about/during poker play + one’s observable poker ability + what one says about non-poker-play-related subjects can give a pretty accurate account of what kind of person one is. Let’s just say when I said I was “done” with them, it was not just because of this particular incident.]
I said some things, mostly asking Person #1 why they were attacking Subject. They scoffed and said they weren’t attacking, Blah Blah, blah blah blah… I read a bit for a while, but I got sick of it. I typed in “Whatever,” hit ‘Enter’, and closed the chat.
Obviously, some further discussion occurred after I left, none of which I have seen; that means, I can’t see it if I’m not there and no one told me what was said. The only additional thing I said regarding it was to apologize to another (4th) person who may have thought I was lumping him in with the dumbass. Beyond that, I have said nothing.
I was self-censoring so I didn’t say what I wanted to say and that SOMEONE has needed to tell this person, probably for years.
Yes. Cancer sucks. Having cancer sucks. Dealing with cancer sucks. Going through chemo sucks. Having cancer at ALL in your life or your loved ones’ lives sucks.
But it DOES NOT give you an eternal license to be an ASSHOLE or an IDIOT.
Well. So I guess I’m not a candidate for any type of politically correct award, huh? Oh, darn it.
What am I sick of?
All of this hugging and supporting and loving of someone simply because they have/are dealing with/have a loved one with cancer/AIDS/some other horrible disease, when, given their behavior and attitude, if they weren’t in this situation, you would have NOTHING to do with them. It’s such a load of crap. And I’m sick of the tiptoe-ing around that I have to do to avoid getting whacked up-side the head with the “STOP ATTACKING THEM! THEY HAVE CANCER/AIDS/WHATEVER SO YOU CAN’T ATTACK THEM EVER OR SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THEM EVER OR LOOK AT THEM FUNNY EVER OR SAY OR DO ANYTHING THAT COULD BE REMOTELY CONSTRUED AS NEGATIVE EVEN A TEENY-TINY BIT TO THEM EVER OR BE HONEST WITH THEM ABOUT THEIR DUMBASS BEHAVIOR EVER OR… EVER OR…….” defense.
Sorry, but what?
So, you’re saying that just ‘cuz they had to deal with cancer in some form during their lives that they have now been uplifted to FUCKING SAINTHOOD and cannot even be thought of as wrong by anyone at any time?
Dude. Calm the heck down.
I’m not saying don’t support each other. But blind support of a person, based solely on your shared bad experience, that supersedes any kind of logical thought about behavior or motivation? That’s kind of ridiculous.
Oh… and for the other argument I know comes out…
Oh, they’re in chemo, so they can’t be held responsible for anything they say/do/type right now.
~Some Politically Correct Idiot
Never having had to go through chemo, I can’t really say what it does to you. But I’m guessing it doesn’t really change your true nature. There isn’t much that can actually change your core self that doesn’t come from your own will/soul/self or from some kind of horrible brain injury/degeneration/disease. Chemo drugs might be toxic, but they don’t melt your soul or make you a temporary jerk.
I can’t buy the “cancer makes you an ass” argument.
It’s just like “I’m only an ass when I’m drunk.”
Alcohol or drugs or Life-HELL situations (like cancer, its treatment, or a myriad of other horrible things) can affect your behavior. But they do not change you.
All they do is bring out what is deep down in your soul.
You are not an ASS because you have cancer.
You are an ASS who also happens to have cancer.
The cancer may have brought your ASS-hole-ed-ness to the surface…
But it did not MAKE you an ASS.
You are not an ASS because you are drunk.
You are an ASS who also happens to be drunk.
The drink may have brought your ASS-hole-ed-ness to the surface…
But it did not MAKE you an ASS.
You are not an IDIOT because you are in chemo.
You are an IDIOT who also happens to be in chemo.
The chemo may have brought your IDIOCY to the surface…
But it did not MAKE you an IDIOT.
And, frankly, because I could not say this in that stupid chat room without about 45 people jumping on MY ass, defending this Person #1 who is currently in chemo…?
And now I have to deal with people (e.g., Person #2 who should know better) thinking that I actually wanted to censor someone.
You’re way off base.
I just wanted to tell them they were being a whiny bitch.
But I couldn’t without getting jumped.
So I said what I did.
And then I left to prevent myself from saying anything else that would get me in trouble, even if it is the truth. Or, perhaps that should be “that would get me in trouble because it IS the truth THAT NO ONE HAS THE BALLS TO SAY OUT LOUD.”
Obviously no one there wants the truth.
It’s just a microcosm of the world.
No one can handle the truth.
So, again, here I am on this stupid blog spitting everything out. It seems the only place that I can be truly honest about anything.
You’re an ass because you’re an ass.
You’re an idiot because you’re an idiot.
Nothing and no one is to blame for this
p.s., So. Now I have myself thinking about whether or not this blog will ever become attached to the real me. I always thought that eventually it would. Enough cushion of time/physical distance/fame/money and all that jazz would allow it. I don’t regret ANYTHING that I have put out there. Like I said from the beginning, it’s all just the stuff in my head that I am sharing, most likely with no one but a few gawkers.
But, then again, going along with the “once it’s on the internet, it’s there forever” line of thought, do I really care if people can come back to this and read my thoughts in the future? Do I want my family members to see what I was yapping about back then (meaning now)? Do I even care? Will I care?
Would it just be another form of self-censorship if I never tied my future self to this username and this blog? I think that eventually, if my plans go the way I want, in the future there may be some people that will be able to tie me to my username and, therefore, to this blog. (It now comes up first when you google “yahneverknow”.) And, I guess, since this stuff is already out there, it will be then, too. Hmmm…
It’ll all be good.
And in any case, the keyboard diarrhea is a form of therapy. Get it out. And move on.
p.p.s., YES. I know people have bad days. Like I said, my reaction was not knee-jerk or based on one line, one statement, or one day. I have been wanting to say something to this person about their shitty attitude for MONTHS now. But, especially after having seen them be “defended” multiple times by fellow cancer sufferers for no logical reason (i.e., the gist was: THEY HAVE CANCER. THEY CAN NEVER BE WRONG.), I have held my tongue (or, I guess, my fingers). This particular situation pushed me over the edge. I had to say something.
p.p.p.s., Someone told me that I am reading the 2nd situation incorrectly, the one regarding Person #2 thinking I was trying to censor someone. Honestly, even if I am wrong, it doesn’t matter. I am still posting this. Some things have to be put out there. I’m kinda sick of the “behind closed doors” bullshit that is being slung around about me. If ya got a problem with me… bring it. No no… not in private. Out in the open. Everything. Bring it. I may not tell you my last name or exactly where I live, but everything I say or type is the truth as I know it. If I end up being wrong, I will admit it. But you have to have everything on the table and have the discussion first. Nothing is black and white with me EXCEPT for the fact that what you see is what you get.