Tags
So.
Do I? Don’t I?
Will keep this blog around for a while, just in case I do. :)
08 Sunday Dec 2013
Posted Bloggin'
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So.
Do I? Don’t I?
Will keep this blog around for a while, just in case I do. :)
07 Tuesday May 2013
Tags
assholes, blogging, cancer, chat rooms, chemo, drunks, etiquette, honesty, idiots, keyboard diarrhea, life, online poker, panties in a bunch, poker, realist, talking, truth
Wow.
Somehow I have people thinking that when I ask a question, that means that I am TELLING someone what they can and can’t say.
Ultimately, it’s a situation that I don’t really give a shit about. Yes, it’s at a community that I frequent and that I love (most of) the people at. But, honestly? I can walk away. No regrets. Maybe that’s somewhat sociopathic? Nah. Just realistic.
Two people specifically involved?
Person #1: Someone who is not only an awful online-groomed bingo poker player, but is also going through chemotherapy, (I believe) for recurring cancer.
Person #2: Someone whose opinion I respect who has now turned into whiny, pompous, judgmental ASSHOLE toward me. And they can’t have a rational conversation because they are STILL suspicious of me, due to my semi-private online presence.
(Also, there was Subject: No one significant to the story except they were the subject of Person #1‘s asshole behavior that started this whole thing.)
The other day, I just couldn’t take it any more. I was DONE reading the whiny-ass bullshit chat from Person #1. No specifics or anything ‘cuz it’s kind of hard to explain…. but basically, they were grumpy, misread a few things that were put in chat, got totally snarky and bitchy whiny, and then just kept going and going and going at someone (Subject).
[Aside: This Person #1 has annoyed me from the first day I had seen their poker play. Whatever “success” they say that they have had does not match what I have seen of their ability. In any case, I don’t equate poker ability with personal interaction. However, with observation over time of what one says about/during poker play + one’s observable poker ability + what one says about non-poker-play-related subjects can give a pretty accurate account of what kind of person one is. Let’s just say when I said I was “done” with them, it was not just because of this particular incident.]
I said some things, mostly asking Person #1 why they were attacking Subject. They scoffed and said they weren’t attacking, Blah Blah, blah blah blah… I read a bit for a while, but I got sick of it. I typed in “Whatever,” hit ‘Enter’, and closed the chat.
Obviously, some further discussion occurred after I left, none of which I have seen; that means, I can’t see it if I’m not there and no one told me what was said. The only additional thing I said regarding it was to apologize to another (4th) person who may have thought I was lumping him in with the dumbass. Beyond that, I have said nothing.
I was self-censoring so I didn’t say what I wanted to say and that SOMEONE has needed to tell this person, probably for years.
Here goes:
Yes. Cancer sucks. Having cancer sucks. Dealing with cancer sucks. Going through chemo sucks. Having cancer at ALL in your life or your loved ones’ lives sucks.
But it DOES NOT give you an eternal license to be an ASSHOLE or an IDIOT.
~me
Well. So I guess I’m not a candidate for any type of politically correct award, huh? Oh, darn it.
What am I sick of?
All of this hugging and supporting and loving of someone simply because they have/are dealing with/have a loved one with cancer/AIDS/some other horrible disease, when, given their behavior and attitude, if they weren’t in this situation, you would have NOTHING to do with them. It’s such a load of crap. And I’m sick of the tiptoe-ing around that I have to do to avoid getting whacked up-side the head with the “STOP ATTACKING THEM! THEY HAVE CANCER/AIDS/WHATEVER SO YOU CAN’T ATTACK THEM EVER OR SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THEM EVER OR LOOK AT THEM FUNNY EVER OR SAY OR DO ANYTHING THAT COULD BE REMOTELY CONSTRUED AS NEGATIVE EVEN A TEENY-TINY BIT TO THEM EVER OR BE HONEST WITH THEM ABOUT THEIR DUMBASS BEHAVIOR EVER OR… EVER OR…….” defense.
Sorry, but what?
So, you’re saying that just ‘cuz they had to deal with cancer in some form during their lives that they have now been uplifted to FUCKING SAINTHOOD and cannot even be thought of as wrong by anyone at any time?
Dude. Calm the heck down.
I’m not saying don’t support each other. But blind support of a person, based solely on your shared bad experience, that supersedes any kind of logical thought about behavior or motivation? That’s kind of ridiculous.
Oh… and for the other argument I know comes out…
Oh, they’re in chemo, so they can’t be held responsible for anything they say/do/type right now.
~Some Politically Correct Idiot
Never having had to go through chemo, I can’t really say what it does to you. But I’m guessing it doesn’t really change your true nature. There isn’t much that can actually change your core self that doesn’t come from your own will/soul/self or from some kind of horrible brain injury/degeneration/disease. Chemo drugs might be toxic, but they don’t melt your soul or make you a temporary jerk.
I can’t buy the “cancer makes you an ass” argument.
It’s just like “I’m only an ass when I’m drunk.”
Alcohol or drugs or Life-HELL situations (like cancer, its treatment, or a myriad of other horrible things) can affect your behavior. But they do not change you.
All they do is bring out what is deep down in your soul.
You are not an ASS because you have cancer.
You are an ASS who also happens to have cancer.
The cancer may have brought your ASS-hole-ed-ness to the surface…
But it did not MAKE you an ASS.
You are not an ASS because you are drunk.
You are an ASS who also happens to be drunk.
The drink may have brought your ASS-hole-ed-ness to the surface…
But it did not MAKE you an ASS.
You are not an IDIOT because you are in chemo.
You are an IDIOT who also happens to be in chemo.
The chemo may have brought your IDIOCY to the surface…
But it did not MAKE you an IDIOT.
And, frankly, because I could not say this in that stupid chat room without about 45 people jumping on MY ass, defending this Person #1 who is currently in chemo…?
I LEFT.
And now I have to deal with people (e.g., Person #2 who should know better) thinking that I actually wanted to censor someone.
No.
Sorry.
You’re way off base.
I just wanted to tell them they were being a whiny bitch.
But I couldn’t without getting jumped.
So I said what I did.
And then I left to prevent myself from saying anything else that would get me in trouble, even if it is the truth. Or, perhaps that should be “that would get me in trouble because it IS the truth THAT NO ONE HAS THE BALLS TO SAY OUT LOUD.”
Whatever.
Obviously no one there wants the truth.
It’s just a microcosm of the world.
No one can handle the truth.
Too bad.
So, again, here I am on this stupid blog spitting everything out. It seems the only place that I can be truly honest about anything.
Nutshell:
You’re an ass because you’re an ass.
You’re an idiot because you’re an idiot.Nothing and no one is to blame for this
EXCEPT YOU.
Cheers!
Michelle
p.s., So. Now I have myself thinking about whether or not this blog will ever become attached to the real me. I always thought that eventually it would. Enough cushion of time/physical distance/fame/money and all that jazz would allow it. I don’t regret ANYTHING that I have put out there. Like I said from the beginning, it’s all just the stuff in my head that I am sharing, most likely with no one but a few gawkers.
But, then again, going along with the “once it’s on the internet, it’s there forever” line of thought, do I really care if people can come back to this and read my thoughts in the future? Do I want my family members to see what I was yapping about back then (meaning now)? Do I even care? Will I care?
Would it just be another form of self-censorship if I never tied my future self to this username and this blog? I think that eventually, if my plans go the way I want, in the future there may be some people that will be able to tie me to my username and, therefore, to this blog. (It now comes up first when you google “yahneverknow”.) And, I guess, since this stuff is already out there, it will be then, too. Hmmm…
No.
No regrets.
It’ll all be good.
And in any case, the keyboard diarrhea is a form of therapy. Get it out. And move on.
p.p.s., YES. I know people have bad days. Like I said, my reaction was not knee-jerk or based on one line, one statement, or one day. I have been wanting to say something to this person about their shitty attitude for MONTHS now. But, especially after having seen them be “defended” multiple times by fellow cancer sufferers for no logical reason (i.e., the gist was: THEY HAVE CANCER. THEY CAN NEVER BE WRONG.), I have held my tongue (or, I guess, my fingers). This particular situation pushed me over the edge. I had to say something.
p.p.p.s., Someone told me that I am reading the 2nd situation incorrectly, the one regarding Person #2 thinking I was trying to censor someone. Honestly, even if I am wrong, it doesn’t matter. I am still posting this. Some things have to be put out there. I’m kinda sick of the “behind closed doors” bullshit that is being slung around about me. If ya got a problem with me… bring it. No no… not in private. Out in the open. Everything. Bring it. I may not tell you my last name or exactly where I live, but everything I say or type is the truth as I know it. If I end up being wrong, I will admit it. But you have to have everything on the table and have the discussion first. Nothing is black and white with me EXCEPT for the fact that what you see is what you get.
05 Monday Nov 2012
Tags
2012 elections, blogging, good, immigrant, life, perspective, reblog
So, I tried not to do anything political, and it might be too late for this to make a difference, but I really admire this blogger and what he wrote here.
I just wish I had seen it a couple of months ago.
It is amazing the inspiration your 3 yr. old son can have on you. Even after a tiring day at work to have him rush to you, throw himself and say I miss you and I love you is the greatest feeling. And it got me to thinking of where I come from and where I am taking him. So…some thoughts. I want my children and grandchildren to grow up in a free and moral country, a place where excellence is celebrated and compassion is the norm. I want them to feel they can achieve anything they work hard for and will see the fruits of their labor to the fullest. This is where I have decided to make my home and I think that a lot of citizens take this country and especially these election months for granted. How wonderful is it to have your voice and vote count…
View original post 596 more words
06 Friday Jul 2012
Tags
♪ ♫ ♫ ♪ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
My Internet’s all wonkified.
Doodah… doodah.
My Internet’s all wonkified
All the doodah day.
Oh, this really sucks!
Oh, I have such luck!
I can’t do my stuff today.
Screw this doodah day.
♪ ♫ ♫ ♪ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
©2012 yahneverknow
(Sung to “Camptown Races” tune via wikipedia)
02 Monday Jul 2012
Tags
bipolar, blogging, da internetz, honesty, idiots, life, online poker, personal, poker, realist, secrets, shade, stalking, suspicion, truth, what the...?
My typed-but-never-entered response to a query in chatbox about how a specific person has multiple accounts at an online poker site:
a lot of peeps have multiple accounts. more than you know. and everyone’s suspicious of me just ‘cuz i don’t want the whole frigging internet to know exactly where i live.. ya. that makes sense.
Before I hit “Enter,” I re-read what I had typed and thought about it.
Thinking, then, about cheaters and suspicion made me realize that people seem to accept cheating on an online poker site as acceptable behavior. They don’t “go after” anyone for doing it, and instead put the impetus for regulation and the blame for its continuance on the poker site. Sometimes they even joke about the multiple accounting.
On the other hand, if a person online doesn’t want to give out specific information about themselves to the “internet” publicly, they are immediately dealt the suspicion card. (Apologies for the never-ending poker/card analogies/metaphors.) This seems to happen MORE frequently when that person is or purports to be female. In fact, some people (mostly male) take it upon themselves to dig out information on them. They can’t let it go. They think it’s appropriate to ask the following questions of and make the following statements about a woman who had previously told them they don’t give out specific information because they have stalkers.
Really?
You don’t need to know everything about me.
You don’t have the right to know everything about me.
You don’t have the right to bully me… for any reason.
You don’t have any real defense for your bad behavior.
You don’t have a truly honest bone in your body.
You don’t deserve the benefit of any doubt.
You pretty much suck.
I don’t need to put everything out there.
I don’t have to put everything out there.
I have the right to not answer you… ever.
I don’t need a defense for my behavior.
I don’t need your validation.
I don’t need to trust everyone.
I pretty much rock.
Nutshell:
Multi-accounting makes me sad.
Idiotic suspicion makes me sad.
More and more I’m amazed that people on da internetz are suspicious of my wanting to keep some info private… like it’s going to affect them somehow. Some of them actually think that I’m all sooper-sekrit ‘cuz I’m some kind of scammer that is pulling a long-ball grift.
WTF?
Here. Here it is, succinctly explained with WAY more information than I should have to put out there… for all you dumbasses…
I like to remain mostly internet-anonymous. It’s a personal choice fueled by my current life situation, bipolar ex-boyfriend, psycho internet-savvy bipolar mom of said ex, and internet stalkers whose intent I have yet to figure out (and at least one of whom I picked up through [online poker site]).
I’m just attempting to keep some personal information out of the public internet eye until I have more of a cushion of time, location, fame, or money that will allow me to protect myself from anything bad. Once something is out in the internet, you can’t take it back.
Here… let me quote myself to emphasize:
“Once something is out in the internet, you can’t take it back.”
I’m me, wherever you find me. I’m the same person with the same username and the same profile pic. I talk the same. I chat the same. I play poker the same. I laugh the same. Just ‘cuz you don’t know my last name or my exact address you think I’m all shade?
Whatever.
Honestly? I’m probably more genuine and straightforward than 99% of the people that you have met online… actually, probably more than 99% of the people you have met, EVER.
Have fun with your inability to recognize real honesty. Hope those people who “have nothing to hide” don’t ever show you what they’re really hiding. I will always remember you, so don’t bother trying to say “HI!” when you see me in person unless you want the truth to come out.
There are bigger and better things for me coming. And you will know nothing of any of it except for what you read on da internetz. Happy internet stalking browsing.
Cheers!
Michelle
p.s., It is so ridiculous that I have to put this disclaimer out there.
p.p.s., This post is both a general observation of the way things are and a specific response to one person. The specific response is personal. The general observation just emphasizes how ridiculous it is that I have to put this disclaimer out there.
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